


Stars and rain

by Baka_yama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abused Hinata Shouyou, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Depressed Kageyama Tobio, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hinata Shouyou Needs a Hug, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, Karasuno Family, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29357298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baka_yama/pseuds/Baka_yama
Summary: "I ended up writing the pain on my body. With the ink coloured red and the sharp bladed pen. I thought nobody would know, nobody would care."Kageyama has already lost more than most people will in their entire life. The frightened soul dwelling in his heart starts to take control. Yet, amongst the darkness surrounding him, there is a glimmer of hope in the stars. One last chance for him to pick up the fragments of his broken life and find himself again.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Hinata Shouyou's Family, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Kageyama Tobio's Family, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 100
Kudos: 76





	1. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There are lots of self harm references in this fanfic so if you get triggered by this kind of stuff, I would strongly advice you don't read it. This is my first fan fiction and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I never thought I would actually post it but here we are. This is the first chapter and I am planning on it being pretty long just to let you know in advance. I actually started crying a few times when writing this chapter because I'm weak. Thank you for stopping by and reading this, it really means a lot to me.

Have you ever watched the stars at night? Just you and the stars; no boundary in between. Each one unique. But sometimes they can’t easily be seen amongst the darkness of the sky. Is this how life is? Maybe it is. Sometimes you won’t be able to find even a glint of light in the dark at first glance. But maybe if you look hard enough, you will. Maybe stars are worth living for.

Flashbacks of his first year in junior high came back to him. The time he was shoved into a wall by the third years. How Oikawa had made his life a living hell. His mind had been manipulated to believe he deserved it. He could never forget the echo of his mother’s cry ringing through the hallway when his older sister had been found hanging in her room. Tobio had been sure it was his fault. If only he hadn’t done extra volleyball practice that day, he could have reached her in time, and she might have survived.

His mother seemed like she had aged 20 years after the incident occurred. Something inside of her broke. Her days were spent working and smoking. Life left her once bright blue eyes. She would walk around lost in her own thoughts.

As if she were being forced to live. She wore a tired expression on her face most of the time, but she still had the kind smile from before. Tobio knew she was living for him. The long hours of work she would do before returning home absolutely exhausted just so he would have an easier future. He felt guilty for being her reason to live; he didn’t deserve it.

It was his grandfather who saved him. They were extremely close. He had a crappy day at school the day it happened. Oikawa had attempted to hit him, but it was lucky Iwaizumi was there. He came back walking from school feeling like a piece of shit wondering why everyone hated him. He must have been a bad person for everyone to dislike him so much.

When he had reached his house, sirens were wailing, and lights were flashing. His grandfather’s body was being taken into the ambulance. Fuck! What had happened? His mind was racing at that time, beating much faster than usual. It was hours later when he received the news of his grandfather’s death. He remembered how his heart skipped a beat. He had tried to be strong but how could he? His only source of light had left him, leaving him in darkness. Where were all the stars? He had himself losing control. Eyebrows twitching again and again, the corners of his mouth trembling from holding back the tears. He had lost. Tears were running down his face. His throat felt swollen when he had tried to speak the words in his head. “Why?” he had stuttered, staring at the ceiling of his room almost angrily. His eyes clenched closed. “It was all my fault. I need to do everyone a favour. I have to do a favour for myself and leave this world before I hurt anyone else.”

Ever since the day his grandfather died, Tobio was filled with despair. Why did the world have to take away the most beautiful people, he often thought. He blamed himself for his grandfather’s death, repeatedly going over that day in his mind. He could have ignored Oikawa, he could have left practice earlier, he could have been there on time.

Tobio had already lost more than most people would ever have to experience in their entire lifetime. But he had never learnt to forget, and the past still haunted him. Nothing was left. Food had become tasteless; words had lost their meaning and the colours of the world were non-existent. He had hidden all his sadness under his cold tyrannic facade. Nobody would ever know what he had to go through. Pain had become his new drug. The sensation of the blade swiping his flesh and cutting deep had become some sort of relief. The blood oozing out of his skin and dripping onto the ground gave him satisfaction.

_Just become smaller and smaller, cut everything out. Erase yourself. Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out._

“King of the court!” “King of the court!” “Do as you fucking please, we give up.” “You aren’t worth it.” “Go and get a life.”

“Do what you like on your own, king.”

He woke up, gasping for air. His forehead was dripping with sweat. He hadn’t been able to sleep well for months on end now. He moved to turn off his alarm, dropping his glass on the floor. He watched as it shattered to pieces. He picked up a piece. His head went blurry, but his eyes focused on the piece of glass. “Just finish everything, you’ve fucked up enough anyways”. He picked it up, light flashing across it. Silent tears were rolling down his face. He didn’t even try to restrain them. “Nobody will care if you die. Just do it!”

It was that moment when it occurred to Tobio that he didn’t want to die. He wanted to start over. There was a difference, a big difference. He couldn’t just leave his mother; she had been fighting for so long - just for him. He couldn’t let go of volleyball. He couldn’t leave his dream to one day compete in the Olympics stadium just like that. He wanted to live for the sound of rain, the sight of sunrises and sunsets, the happy endings fairy tales told. He couldn’t let go of the world just yet. “You are stronger than this Tobio.” His grandfather’s words rang through his head.

“Start by making small goals first, then gradually make them larger and larger,” his grandfather often told him.

He woke up for the second time that night. He reluctantly gave up trying to fall asleep. It was obviously hopeless. He got up and did his normal routine. He stayed in the shower for what seemed like hours, contemplating how he would finally be free after his death. He wouldn’t have to live under the constant fear of losing someone else, or the expectations held by others. He would be alone. Alone was what he wanted, right? Deep down inside, he knew he hated being alone. He wanted to find a person he could trust, and enjoy their company, maybe even learn to love. A smile he couldn’t hold back spread across his face at the thought. It was the first genuine smile he’d had for a while. He came out of the shower, his skin burning red. He got ready for another day of school. Another day at the mental madhouse. Another day of hiding himself underneath his kingly robes. At this point in time, he was just going through the motions.

School was the same as always. He had given up on studies a few months ago. They were just a mark to make you feel guilty. It was now a maths lesson, how he hated maths. Although he got good marks in it, it was pointless to try. He was completely drained. “Start by making small goals first, then gradually make them larger and larger.”

He thought about this for a while. What had he done to be proud of even in the slightest? He was just a mere blemish in the world. People would be glad at the thought of that kid erased from their lives. He lingered on that thought for a while. He had managed to control himself from cutting the other day. He had found the energy to make an actual meal instead of the normal instant noodles. He had gone outside to do grocery shopping for the first time in weeks. Is that what his grandfather meant? Even if it wasn’t, it gave Tobio reassurance. Though he would much rather be dead, maybe some things were worth living for.

“Kageyama kun. Kageyama? Stop daydreaming!” His teacher was shouting across the classroom.

“Oh, sorry miss,” he said, tired.

“Can you remind me how many times you haven’t paid attention this week?”

“I-I don’t know, miss,” his voice was shaking. Of course no one will be able to guess what he was going through.

“If I catch you dozing off again, you’re staying behind after class. Do you hear me, Kageyama kun?”

“Yes miss.”

He could feel the eyes of his classmates on him, he wouldn’t be surprised if their expressions showed disgust. How could he focus when so many thoughts were circling inside his head? How, if he had no one to confide to? He hadn’t been able to see the stars he once saw for months now. His emotions were piling up inside of him. He knew that one day, any day from now, that the dam will break. Why couldn’t anyone see his pain? Was he really that bad for people to not bother?

His eyes started stinging from holding back the tears. It was finally the end of the lesson. He ran past the door as fast as he could before anyone could catch up with him. He had already decided he wasn’t going to volleyball practice that day. He just wanted to scream until his heart tore apart and his voice dried out. But he bottled up his emotions like he had taught himself to do. No one will know. He started to suffocate with each breath he took. He tried holding onto his nonexistent pride but soon one tear fell. The rest followed in an unbroken stream. He had lost, again. He walked back home, hoping nobody saw the mess he was in. Even if they did, who would care? He grabbed the knife lying on the kitchen counter and ran up to his bedroom.

_Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out. Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out._

His mind was in silent war with itself. Who would care if I died? It will be a relief to many. He watched the storm, striking its own fury. It reminded him of himself. Once the storm has passed, people forget about it. And for a mere few, it’s a distant, unpleasant memory. Tears began flooding his face. The empty black hole in his chest tightening. He was a mess of wails, sobs and silent tears. He tried to bite them back but it was no use. He started to lose control again. He wanted to be absorbed by the sky. Leave all his problems behind. But how could he if he was the problem? He stared at his arm. It was covered with thin but deep jagged scars. Some fresh, some fading. His hand holding the knife was trembling. What is physical pain compared to his internal pain? What if it doesn’t even work?

_Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out. Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out._

He let out a choked sob. He was a bad person. He should do himself and everyone else a favour. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it. His eyes found themselves captured by the sight of a single star in the now dark sky. He found hope, after what seemed like forever. Just one star had managed to light up the darkness. He just had to find the light.

It had been a month since Tobio’s teammates stopped trying to work with him. The sound of the ball hitting the ground and the sight of no one there to spike his toss had become one of his biggest fears. There was no one behind him to score the point. His coach had forcibly benched him afterwards. Tobio felt far beyond guilty. If only he acted better at school, maybe people would actually like him. He only had himself to blame for his problems.

He felt better after realising he will have a chance to start over in only a few months from now. New school, new people, and maybe a new him. Only two months left. He was sure he could stay strong until then. He won’t let the dam break.

His performance in volleyball and school had become significantly better after he promised himself that. He started off making small goals, and slowly made them larger and larger, just like his grandfather had taught him. The stars were often visible in the sky now. He found the patience to look for them. He had wanted to believe he was living the normal happy life. Of course this wasn’t the case. He hadn’t completely gotten over his past condition. There were still rough days. But he had learnt to have more control over himself. Now he processed what he was thinking. People started inviting him to sit with them at lunch. And he found that he had the energy to accept their invitations. Who was he becoming?

His mother was meant to be coming back home from her work trip soon. He hadn’t seen her for over a month. He wanted nothing more than to see her healthier and better than before. He opened the front door not knowing what to expect. His mother was humming the tune she used to sing whilst vacuuming the floor. She looked just like she did before the incident with his sister a year ago. He was overwhelmed. Happy tears began pouring out of his eyes.

“Tobio! You’re back from school,” she hugged him tight.

“I missed you!” He sobbed.

“I know Tobio, I know. I missed you too.”

“You must be tired. I can make you ramen if you like.”

“Tobio, no it’s fine. I came back a while ago, so I’ve had plenty of time to rest.”

“How was Tokyo? What did you do there?” He wiped his tears.

“Just the normal work but I brought you something I think you’ll like.” She grinned. Her radiant smile meant the world to him. He didn’t want this moment to end.

“Can I see what it is?”

She brought a printed paper bag. He looked inside. There was a Tokyo poster. It matched perfectly with his bedroom. The buildings and sky skyscrapers were glowing in every shade of blue. There was also a small box inside. He carefully opened it. Packed inside it there was a silver bracelet with a volleyball charm hanging on it. He loved it the moment he set his eyes on it.

“Thanks mom! It’s so cool!”

“Okay let me put it on your wrist.” Before he could pull his arm away, she had grabbed hold of it but didn’t put the bracelet on. Instead, she was examining his arm. He was scared. Tears were filling his eyes. He stared at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Tobio, why didn’t you tell me?” She asked gently. He couldn’t detect any anger to it.

“I-I didn’t w-want to worry y-you,” he was still avoiding eye contact.

“Tobio, look at me. Come here,” she pulled him close and hugged him. “I knew this had happened from before. I saw knives and pills and pieces of shattered glass at the back of your wardrobe. I saw where you had written plans. Don’t cry honey. It will be okay.” She ended up crying with him.

“I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry for being an embarrassment,” Tobio didn’t know what was going to happen next. He knew he had hurt his mother; he was sure he was in trouble.

“Tobio, you aren’t an embarrassment. Do you hear me? You are beautiful. And maybe you don’t see it, but I do. And what I think matters most right?” She had a small smile on her face. Her eyes looked concerned, not mad.

He nodded. “Are you angry, mom?”

“No Tobio, no. I was obviously upset but I wasn’t too surprised when I discovered what you had been doing. I understand what you’ve been through. You’ve had to fight on your own for so long. I’m sorry Tobio, I’m so sorry. But we will become stronger together, won’t we?”

“I’ll try my best mom.” He smiled.

“Remember Tobio, I’m there for you, okay? You can tell me what’s going on in your mind. Don’t be scared I won’t listen. You mean the world to be.”

“You do too, mom. I promise I will try my best to put an end to this mess. I promise.”

“There is one more thing I have to tell you.”

“What is it?”

She sighed,”I know you won’t be happy with what I’m about to say and I don’t blame you if you get mad. I think you will have to see a psychologist.”

Tobio’s eyes opened wide, he didn’t reply.

“Tobio, are you okay?”

“Of course I’m not fucking okay.” He laughed coldly. His temper was starting to rise. “I’ve handled this alone for so long. I’m trying to improve, and I don’t need someone’s help to do it!”

“Tobio, wait-“

“No, I will not fucking wait. I’m mentally stable, okay! I don’t need it!”

His mother looked at him calmly as if she expected this. “Tobio, listen to me. I’m not forcing you to do anything. You can choose what you want to do, it’s not my choice. I advise you to go but if you don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine. I just want to see you happy and healthy, that’s all. I don’t want to push you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“If you didn’t want to push me to do it, then why did you give me a whole fucking lecture? I’m not like you! I can’t spill what’s going on in my mind to other people. I can’t learn to trust someone. I can’t have someone I trust turn their back on me again! I’m horrible! My scars are horrible! My personality is horrible! Just everything about me is horrible!” His mother’s facial expressions were unreadable. Finally, she spoke, “Tobio you are right. You’ve had to go through something completely different from me. And at such a young age too. You are stronger than most people out there because of your experiences. The scars on the inside and outside show that you have a history. Don’t be ashamed of them. You aren’t horrible at all, okay. And I’m proud of you Tobio. You don’t have to go to a psychologist if you don’t want to. If you’re happy then I’m happy.” They both cried together for what seemed like hours.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you mom.”

“Tobio, don’t apologise. If anything, it’s my fault. Just promise me that you will stay strong.”

“I will stay strong mom. I promise I will.”

“I know you will Tobio. Now that we have gotten this out of the way, how has school been?” Her voice still shook as she wiped her tears.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Tobio, you can tell me the truth, you know.”

“Fine, I’ve done pretty decent in school and I’ve managed to pass in English as well. But I’ve been benched in volleyball.” He clenched his fists to try and restrain the tears forming in his eyes, but it was no use. He let out a choked sob.

“Tobio, it’s okay. Don’t cry. It will all work out. You are going to high school soon, right? I’m sure you’ll make it to the team there.”

“What if I don’t?”

“Then you will have to work harder to become the best.” It was true he got his competitiveness from his mother.

“My best is never good enough for anyone.”

“Tobio, you don’t need to worry how other people think of you. As long as you are satisfied, that’s what matters, and nobody can take it away from you.”

He nodded and pondered on the thought. “ _Maybe I can become the best_.”

His mind drifted when his mother was talking about something to do with her work trip to Tokyo. He wasn’t really paying attention. He was just happy to be in the position he was in. He hadn’t been anywhere close to how he was feeling now since his grandfather had died. He knew that he would still have to be patient, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to recover that quickly. He surprisingly felt a lot better after he told his mother what had been going on inside of his head. The weight forced on his shoulders had gotten lighter. He could now watch the stars every day at night, his setting had improved even more, he was managing okay with school, his scars were starting to fade, and his mother was back from work. She looked healthy and back to her old lively self. He had started to change as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading through this chapter! It really means a lot to me. I really hope you enjoyed it. Again, this is my first fanfic so you can always comment on it and tell me what to improve on. I will update again soon :)


	2. A new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this is the second chapter to the fic... Thank you so much for all the support; I really appreciate it. Your comments mean so much to me. This chapter is a bit shorter than the last, please forgive me! One thing to note with this chapter is that I know this isn’t exactly how the anime/manga described it. It isn’t that big of a difference though. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and thanks a lot for stopping by :)

It was happening, finally happening. He was being given a chance to start over. His whole body was shaking. He was beyond scared. What if he messed up? He just wanted to fit in with everyone else. He wanted to think he didn’t care about what others said about him but it wasn’t true. His stomach was tied in knots. He was putting his new uniform on. He looked at himself from the mirror. Just don’t mess up. Avoid your past mistakes. You’re walking a different path now. You have all the opportunities in the world, make it last. He was stressed out and it was obvious. 

His mother knocked on the door and came in. “Tobio, you look good in your uniform. Don’t worry okay. I know you will do alright. Just be yourself.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “I packed your bento box in your bag and remember to enjoy yourself at school while you’re at it.”

“Thanks mom,” he tried to smile back at her but his bottom lip was trembling. She held his hands gently and looked at him.

“You’ll be okay, I promise you. Even if things don’t go to plan, you will have volleyball to distract you.” Tobio had completely forgotten about volleyball. He found it made him less tense.

“Okay, love you mom.”

He walked to school. He entered the gym where he was greeted by the captain of the team. If memory served right, his name was Daichi. He seemed nice enough. There was a kind looking, silver haired boy behind him. He was also a third year.

“Nice to meet you. Tobio Kageyama is your name, am I right?”

“Yes, captain.”

“Okay good. I’ve seen some of your matches before and I’m sure you will be a great fit for our team.”

“Thank you, captain.”

The silver haired boy approached him.

“Hello Kageyama, I’m Sugawara. It’s nice to meet you,” he grinned cheerfully and shook his hand. Tobio wondered what position he played but felt too nervous to ask.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Tobio’s body was rigid with nerves and bit his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. He hoped the third year didn’t notice.

“So Kageyama, what position do you play?”

“Setter,” Tobio noticed the way Sugawara broke eye contact and made a slightly hesitant face. Did he say something wrong? But the upperclassman soon smiled at him.

“I’m a setter as well.”

“Oh!” he didn’t know what to say. How would they work out who was going to be the official setter? How could he become the team’s setter when there was already a third year with more experience and had the team’s trust?

“Anyways,” Sugawara was saying. “Your lessons should be starting soon so you better go.”

“Thank you, senpai.”

“Bye!”

He left the gym and entered the school building for the first time. He reached the corridor, surprised to see it wasn’t a swarming maze like in junior high. It was wide and clean. Most people were already in their classroom.

Tobio opened the door to his classroom. He was relieved he had made it this far without having a panic attack. Sure, he was nervous but in the end, it couldn’t be that hard to fit in with everyone else. There were small groups of people talking to each other. “Shit! Where do I sit?” he whispered to himself.

“Oi you, we have a free space. Come and join us,” he saw a tall, brown haired kid waving at him and gesturing to him to take a seat. He was with a group of guys laughing along with each other. They seemed pretty nice. He smiled to himself and nodded.

“I’m Haruto by the way,” the kid who greeted him said.

“I’m Kageyama.”

“I know who you are! Tobio Kageyama, right? Wait, aren’t you that volleyball setter from Kitagawa? I went to see my friend Kindaichi play once in a match!”

Tobio sighed when he heard Kindaichi’s name. Kindaichi, the one who had avoided him most of the time. Kindaichi, the one who had often pretended he didn’t exist. Kindaichi, the one who had often talked about him behind his back. Kindaichi, one of the guys who should have been there to spike his toss. He didn’t want memories from junior high coming back to taunt him, but he ended up drowning in the thought of them.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“You really were some recognisable player, huh?” Haruto said, grinning. Another boy from the group approached him. His eyes were intense, as if his stare could stab through his soul like a dagger.

“You were the guy also known as the King of the Court, right?” he asked, his voice notably deep. Tobio remained silent and stared at the floor. He should have seen that question coming. Haruto saw he was uncomfortable and changed the subject.

“Um, never mind. I’m a basketball player; I’ve heard volleyball is pretty similar.”

“Yeah, it is supposed to be pretty similar.” Tobio conceded.

Tobio was saved from conversation when the teacher arrived and their lessons started; he didn’t speak much. They went by fast enough.

Then it was lunch break. It was going good so far, the guys he was talking to in the morning were on the same table as him. He mostly listened; he couldn’t be bothered to join in on the conversations. But he felt something different, something he only used to feel when he was playing volleyball. He was actually enjoying himself. It seemed like forever since he had. He couldn’t remember the last time he had socialised with people at school. Then, the subject of girls came along.

“Yo! Have any of the girls caught your eye yet?” Haruto asked them all.

“Emiko is pretty cute,” one of them replied, their cheeks dusted in pink. Tobio felt his cheeks getting hot, as he eavesdropped on the conversation. How on earth did they remember the names of people?

“Isn’t she the pretty one with the long blonde hair?”

“Mhm.”

“Wow! Yes, she’s REALLY cute.”

Tobio rolled his eyes, honestly, who would fall for someone like that? Emiko’s fake girly giggle pissed him off, the way she showed off in front of the boys was stupid as well. She was an attention seeker and just plain annoying.

“Kageyama, what about you? I’ve heard loads of girls talking about you; you are so damn lucky.”

Tobio could feel himself start to sweat. He had never been attracted to anyone in that way before. Well, maybe he might have liked Oikawa, but he was sure that feeling was just admiration. Wait, no. Oikawa was a boy, of course he didn’t like him. He hated the idea of being with a girl; who has time for that stuff anyways?

“Um, nobody in particular,” he said.

“What, really Kageyama?!”

“Bro, you could get anyone in our class though!”

Tobio just shrugged; he didn’t think it was true. Actually, he was sure it wasn’t true. Who on earth would find a kid like him attractive? He wasn’t good looking, and his personality was shitty as well. He finished eating his lunch, just before the final lessons started. He waited impatiently for what seemed like hours. His lessons finally ended; he was finally going to play volleyball.

“Kageyama, where are you going to?” Haruto asked.

“Volleyball practice.”

“Ooh nice, see you tomorrow!” he rode away on his bike.

Suga senpai was waiting outside, when he arrived at the gym.

“Hello, Kageyama!” Sugawara greeted cheerfully. “How was your day?”

“Okay.” Tobio responded.

Daichi came outside.

“Good afternoon, Kageyama.”

“Hello, captain.”

“Come inside. Practice is going to start soon.”

“Okay.”

He saw Daichi and Suga discussing something after he left. He noticed the way they both looked at each other. How their eyes lit up when they listened to each other talk. Were they dati-no it couldn’t be. They were both guys; they must just be very close friends. He tried to get the thought out of his head.

“Okay everybody, start warming up on your own while we wait for everyone to arrive.” Daichi said, moving to the gym to address them all.

“WOW, YOU MUST BE A FIRST YEAR!”  
Tobio was startled by the sudden voice. A bald guy ran towards him.

“Um, yeah.”

“I’m finally a senpai! It sure does feel good. I’m a second year by the way. Tanaka is my name.”

The guy was loud, very loud.

“Kageyama.” 

“You don’t talk much, my little kouhai.” Tanaka said, inspecting him.

Of course, Tobio didn’t talk that much compared to Tanaka. He was just overly energetic. He couldn’t be expected to talk to someone he had met only a few seconds ago.

He didn’t reply but just shrugged. He didn’t see anything wrong with being quiet.

“So, which position do you play?” Tanaka asked, undeterred.

“Setter.”

“Wow! Suga has some competition. I’m a wing spiker. I’m sure I’ll be the ace by next year. Set me some tosses, will you?”

So, they practiced for a while. Daichi and Suga observed Tobio’s setting.

“He really is amazing isn’t he? His tosses are all so accurate it’s scary!” Daichi commented.

Suga gave a sad smile, “He is incredible.”

“Koushi don’t worry. You’ll always be my favourite setter,” he held Sugwara’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Tobio couldn’t help but stare. He was extremely confused. They were acting in the same way a couple would. They looked so happy to be together. No, they were obviously best friends.

“Oi, don’t mind them. They are always like that so you’re gonna have to get used to it.” Tanaka said, noticing his gaze.

“Are they like... um together?” Tobio asked him, haltingly. 

“Me and the team are sure of it, but they always deny it or change the subject when we tease them,” Tanaka said.

“But they’re both guys.”

“Yeah, and?” Tanaka gave him a challenging look.

“Can two guys-”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Oh.”

“I’m going to get a drink, wanna come?” Tanaka said, turning to go.

“I’m fine.” Tobio replied, still distracted by the thought of Daichi and Sugawara together.

“Okay then.”

Tobio decided to practice his serves on his own, for a while. He repeated them again and again. He was going for his last one before he took a break. It was exactly on point, but he lost focus when he heard an annoyingly loud voice.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”

The voice was familiar; he knew he had heard it before. He turned around not knowing what to expect.

Shit! It was the one person he was hoping he wouldn’t have to see again. That boke shrimp was standing right in front of him. That idiot who didn’t make use of his great agility and reflexes. The one who promised he was going to beat him one day. Was he seriously going to be in the team? Fuck! Everything was going fine until his scrawny ass decided to show up. They made eye contact, but Tobio didn’t say anything, his deep blue ones meeting with the light brown. He was shocked more than anything.

“KAGEYAMA TOBIO!”

Wow, the kid remembered his name. He hadn’t grown much taller, but he looked like he had matured a bit. His hair was bold and blazing red, just like an igniting fire. His eyes were fierce and passionate. His expressions seemed to be some sort of mix between anger, competitiveness and disappointment. He must have been just as surprised as Tobio was.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” the kid bellowed again, stamping his foot.

Tobio rolled his eyes, “I’m here for the same reason as you.”

“You could have chosen so many better schools, why did you choose this one?!” the kid said, clearly frustrated.

Shit, Tobio knew he would be asked that question sooner or later, but he still wasn’t prepared for it. He had been rejected from Shiritorizawa and he couldn’t face seeing his old teammates at Aobo Johsai. He just wanted to move forward.

“Don’t tell me the King of the Court didn’t get accepted there!” the kid said when he took too long to respond.

The name made his blood boil. Why did he have to call him the fucking King of the Court? He didn’t need memories of junior high flooding back into his mind. He wanted to change his reputation and forget about what had happened in the past. That idiot wouldn’t know the real reason behind that nickname. He would never know how much he suffered because of that name.

“Don’t call me that!” Tobio was beyond angry. First, the shrimp decided to show up and now he was calling him the hated nickname. Tobio realised it might have been just him fixed on moving away from the past. It wasn’t really the idiot’s fault at all. He was never going to admit it though.

“Why, isn’t it a good thing?” the kid said, his face scrunched up with confusion.

“J-just shut up, dumbass!”

“I can’t believe I’ll have to be teammates with you!”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” Tobio couldn’t control his anger anymore. He hated the voice of that shrimp. He hated everything about him.

Sugawara and Daichi turned to face them. Oh great, now it seemed like he was guilty.

“Um guys, do you know each other or wh-” Suga asked. 

“He started it first!” the shrimp said, pointing at Tobio.

“I’m getting a drink,” Tobio said dismissively.

Then he turned and walked off; ignoring the yells of the kid. He had ruined all the patience he had built up and lost control over his temper. Was history just going to repeat itself? Because with what happened just now, it seemed like he would be walking in the same circle he did in junior high.

“I can’t fuck up again,” Tobio vowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for reading this chapter! I hope you liked it. I will update with a new chapter soon :)


	3. The odd black mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this is the third chapter... Sorry for posting a little later than usual... I hope it was worth the wait! 
> 
> EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING - MAJOR CHARACTER'S SUICIDE ATTEMPT
> 
> If you get triggered by this stuff, I would strongly advise you to not read it. Maybe pack some tissues with you while you're at it. I'm sorry for this chapter in advance!
> 
> Here we go..!

“Do you remember my name?” The redhead asked.

Tobio swallowed. He remembered Hinata Shoyo. Of course he did. Tobio had no reason to make him feel special though.

“No,” he said indifferently.

“I’m Hinata! Shoyo Hinata. Ring any bells?”

“No.” Tobio felt himself scowl at the desperation in the shrimp’s eyes.

“Honestly, you're pathetic. I thought you might be a bit better since you were the King. I should have known better.”

“Shut up, d-dumbass!”

“You are the shorty who wore number one aren’t you?! Hinata, right?” Tanaka walked towards them.

“Yes! At least someone remembers me,” he furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Tobio.

Sugawara and Daichi were approaching them.

“We will start practice shortly, there are two more first years joining but they won’t be here today,” Daichi said.

“Okay, captain.” The pair said at the same time, before glaring at each other.

“So, you both chose Karasuno. We saw you play a match.”

They both nodded.

“I might be short, but I can jump. I’ll be Karasuno’s ace before you know it!” The shrimp said, not giving a damn about how nobody asked.

Tobio rolled his eyes. Did he ever shut up?

The vice principal entered the gym.

“I will beat you Kageyama! I’ve improved, you know. I’m not the same guy I was last year!”

“Funny enough, I’m not the same guy I was last year either.” Tobio replied, picking up the volleyball. Did the shrimp really want to compete against him?

“Guys, we don’t have time for that!” Daichi had started to raise his voice. It had an edge of impatience and threat to it.

“Okay, King. I challenge you!” Hinata exclaimed, completely ignoring what Daichi had just said.

“So, these are the new first years; they seem worse than last year’s batch. It’s a shame even the captain can’t get them under control,” the vice principal spoke with an amused tone in his voice. What was his problem?

“It’s not how it seems-” Daichi defended.

“If you can’t get that team in control, you will be in trouble.”

Daichi nodded and glared at the pair.

“Okay, I accept the challenge shrimp,” Tobio didn’t know why he said it but he didn’t care. He wanted to beat the idiot and soon realised he was scared. It would be embarrassing if he lost against the idiot. But he was finally playing volleyball, what more could he ask for?

“King, I’m starting with the ball.”

“I’ve got it, I’m starting.”

Hinata’s eyes widened before speaking. “Okay okay, have it your way, King.”

“What’s that king thing even about?” he heard one of them ask.

“I don’t even know,” replied another voice.

“That Kageyama sure is cocky,” someone else spoke.

Tobio heard the other team members whispering about him. Nothing was going to plan. He was still known as the King, a cocky, tyrannical person. He wanted a new reputation. But the reason he was living was because of this second chance. If he couldn’t get things right, what was the point in him staying alive. He wanted to stay strong. Tobio wanted to get rid of his urge to cut deep into his skin. He wanted to lose the comfort he felt when his skin felt like it was on fire, as the burning sensation flowed through him. He wanted to pretend his life was perfect. He wanted the scars on his body to disappear. He wanted to forget. He wanted to compete and play volleyball. He wanted to stay on the court for the longest. He wanted to become the strongest.

Tobio threw the ball in the air; it rose to the exact point he wanted. He perfected the position of his jump. The ball would reach the other side of the net in less than a second. His hand slammed the ball down, the sting flowed through his body like electricity. It was close to perfection. Was the shrimp going to receive it?

It hit the side of Hinata’s arm. He had started to lose balance and started tumbling backwards. Tobio watched the ball as it flew across the gym. If it continued to go in this direction, it would end up hitting the vice principal’s face. IT WAS GOING TO HIT THE VICE PRINCIPAL’S FACE. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He felt his chest suddenly tighten as he stood there and watched. Shit! He shut his eyes hoping the ball would disappear or change direction. He didn’t want to be expelled from school already.

Tobio heard the loud noise of the ball smacking the side of the old man’s face. He hesitantly opened his eyes; he saw the horrified expressions of his new teammates. The principal’s toupee flew off his head, landing on Daichi’s. Shit! What had he done? The idiot said he had improved but he wasn’t even close to receiving it properly. The posture and position of Hinata’s arms were completely wrong. Why didn’t he receive the ball like a normal person?

Nobody said anything; they were all still taken aback by what had just happened.

“Daichi, meet me in my office.”

Daichi followed the vice principle. Fuck, this was just messed up. He wanted to blame the idiot for it, but he knew it was his fault.

“ _I’m so fucking useless, I can’t do anything right. I messed up so bad. I’m going to get suspended or expelled. I shouldn’t be here,_ ” Tobio voiced in his head.

His thoughts were interrupted by Sugawara’s voice.

“Um, I think we should all go and have a drink. Kageyama and Hinata, I want a word with you.”

They glanced at each other before following the grey-haired boy. He didn’t look angry for some reason; he appeared more or less, concerned.

“What was that all about? I know you might not like each other but now you are a team, you must learn to work together. Get rid of the rivalry you once had, for now you will have to learn to act like teammates. I’m not asking you to become best friends, but put aside your differences for the sake of this team.

“I’m so sorry, senpai! It was Kageya-” the shrimp was attempting to blame him, again.

“What! Dumbass, you can’t blame me!” Tobio snapped back at him.

“Guys, listen! If you keep arguing, Daichi is gonna get mad. And you really don’t want that to happen. We don’t know if you’re gonna get suspended or what from this incident. But you better not talk about it again, do you hear me?” Sugawara stared at them, waiting for a response.

“Yes, senpai,” Tobio mumbled under his breath. How on earth would he be able to work with that idiot?

“Okay, senpai!” Hinata replied, cheerfully.

Sugawara’s facial expressions loosened, and he smiled at them. “You have a long journey ahead of yourself, make sure you grab every opportunity that comes in your way.”

“Thank you, senpai!”

Daichi entered the gym; Tobio had no idea what to expect. He was ready to be handed a suspension letter or get yelled at.

“The vice principal somehow let the two of you off. But listen to me. If you don’t learn to work as a team, you’re not gonna just let yourselves down but the whole team down as well,” Daichi’s voice was firm, as if nobody could persuade him otherwise. But his expressions told that he still couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“Sorry, captain,” Tobio said, waiting for Hinata to also give an answer.

“So, do you promise to work together?”

“As long as the King stops being so mean,” the shrimp said.

“Don’t call me the King, dumbass!”

“Okay I’ve had enough! You aren’t allowed to come and join the volleyball team until you learn to become teammates. I don’t care about what happened in the past between you. All I know is that you both are going to hold the whole team back by the way you are behaving,” Daichi closed the gym door, leaving the two outside. It had all happened so quickly that Tobio still had to process what had just happened.

“Kageyama, it was all your fault! You shouldn’t have shouted at me!”

“Shut up, dumbass!”

He walked towards the gym door.

“I promise to learn to work with the shrimp, I-I mean Hinata!” Tobio exclaimed, he didn’t know what he was saying.

Daichi opened the door, “You sure about that?”

“I-um well...” How could he learn to work with a dumbass like Hinata?

“I thought so,” he smirked and closed the door, leaving Tobio and Hinata outside.

“How am I meant to survive if I can see people playing volleyball, but I can’t come and join them?!” The shrimp whined, before turning to face him. “Kageyama, I think we should maybe start acting like teammates in order to get a spot on the team.”

“Okay, tell me how, dumbass.”

“Um, let me think...”

“Never mind, I have an idea. We will do a practice match against them. If we win, we have to be allowed back in the team,” Tobio knew they could pull it off. Well, he knew _he_ could pull it off.

“And what if we lose?” Hinata asked.

“Well, then they can choose a punishment.”

“Okay!”

They planned the match for Saturday, so they had some time to practice. There was one condition though, if they lost, he wouldn’t be allowed to play the setter position. Why would it be him who was punished and not the shrimp as well? It was unfair but he knew he now wanted to win more than ever.

“Kageyama, set me some balls!”

“No,” he replied before leaving Hinata outside on his own.

“Why not? I will try my best to hit them.”

“I don’t care, I’m going home.”

“Ugh fine, King.”

The word rattled through his head whilst Tobio walked home. His mother wasn’t there to greet him and ask him how his first day was. He saw a text from her when he switched on his phone.

  
  


**Mom:** I’m so sorry I’m not here, Tobio! I got a last minute business trip but it is only for two or three days. How was your day at school? Did volleyball practice go well? I hope you are feeling okay! Akari will come and check on you, and bring some food as well. I hope that’s fine. Love you!

  
  


Tobio was happy he was going to see Akari. She had known him for a while now, ever since her family had become his neighbours. She was going to Karasuno as well, she was a third year. She never failed to make him smile. It was as if she was his older sister. But her presence always made him miss his real sister who had died a few years back. She even looked similar. Light blue eyes, long black hair and the most beautiful smile. He responded to his mother with a quick text.

  
  


**Me:** Ok, I hope it goes well. School and volleyball was good. See you soon, love you.

  
  


Akari knocked on the door a while later, holding some food with her.

“Hey, Tobio! How was school today?”

“Fine.” Even though it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t terrible either.

She stayed for a bit and talked to him, she always told Tobio everything yet he had never told her about the big thing about his life; his depression and cutting. He felt instant guilt whenever she would tell him her secrets but he knew that one day he would be ready to tell her. She gave him a hug before heading back home. It was amazing how she could make all the stress and sadness disappear just with a few simple words.

  
  


Tobio thought to himself before he went to bed, " _maybe I could learn to work with a team, maybe I could learn to work with Hinata."_

  
  


The next day he had lessons like usual but he kept looking at the clock. He just wanted to go and play volleyball. It was lunch, he sat with the same people as the day before. He listened to their conversations, joining in if he felt like it. He constantly heard the same group of girls talking about him. It pissed him off. He didn’t want attention. There were so many people to talk about if they were so desperate, why him? He hated himself. He was sure everyone else did as well. Finally, the bell rang. He would get a chance to play volleyball again.

Tobio practiced with Hinata for hours. They spent a lot of time working on receives, seeing as the shrimp was terrible at them. Tobio was surprised with the amount of energy the kid had. He would constantly jump and run around but never showed the slightest bit of tiredness. The kid’s determination was amazing as well. He kept trying to receive the ball despite always getting it wrong. It was as if nothing could stop him from doing what he wanted. 

“Dumbass, this is your last chance before I head home.”

While serving the ball, he noticed how quickly Hinata changed his position. Those damn reflexes of his. He was about to make a perfect receive.

A hand caught the ball. What now? They were finally going to get it right until the person showed up.

Two boys stood behind Hinata. An extremely tall, blonde one was holding the ball, wearing a smirk on his face.

“Oi, how tall are you?” he knew the shrimp was height obsessed but he was still surprised with his stupidity. Was it really possible to be that much of an idiot?

“Clearly taller than you,” he hissed whilst the kid next to him grinned.

Once they both made eye contact, he raised his eyebrows and shifted his glasses knowingly. Had he done something wrong? What was the guy’s problem?

“So, you must be the King,” he spoke the sentence as if there was venom settling on his tongue.

Tobio tried to look away, clearly not being able to disguise his annoyance.

“A dictator on and off the court. No wonder they ditched you,” he chuckled.

What he said felt like a dagger stabbing his heart. As much as he hated to admit it, those words had an effect on him. He wanted to shout at him and fight back. He didn’t want to have to hide like he did before. Why was he like this? Nobody would ever know about the shit he had been though. They only cared about the things he did wrong IN THE PAST. The past had gone by, so why take a second glance at it. It wasn’t like it could be changed. People wouldn’t understand a word he said. All they wanted was for him to look weak. They just wanted a fucking reaction. He walked off; his heart was thumping. He could feel it getting louder and louder. He heard Hinata’s voice in the background. He wanted to block everything out. He wanted to just disappear without anyone noticing. He just wanted to be erased from people’s memories.

He was unable to stifle his tears anymore. He cried into his hands while he walked. It was dark, nobody would be able to see him. He couldn’t continue to bottle up his emotions.

He realised Hinata was running towards him. He wiped his tears, hoping he hadn’t seen what had happened.

“Kageyama! Oh-“

“Go a-away, dumbass.”

“You were crying.”

“Shut up, d-dumbass!”

“Kageyama, you don’t need to be ashamed, you know. Everyone cries and I won’t judge you.”

“I-I wasn’t cryi-“

“Honestly Kageyama, don’t lie. I’m not going to tell everyone if that’s what you're afraid I’m going to do.”

“Just leave me alone!” he shouted.

“No.”

Tobio was taken aback by his response, “Why?!”

“Because you can’t just pretend something didn’t upset you! If someone is trying to help you sort stuff out, then be thankful and actually let them comfort you. And you say I’m the dumbass.”

The tugging in his heart wanted to tell Hinata he wasn’t okay, but the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“I don’t need to be comforted, especially by you of all people.”

Tobio's heart screamed at him to stop but his mouth refused to shut up.

“Like seriously, do you actually think I would confide in a deluded idiot like you?” he regretted what he said instantly. He knew Hinata wanted to help him out, there was no reason for him to talk to him like that. Yet, for some reason he couldn’t silence the part of him which just wanted to scream at him. He tried to avoid eye contact.

“Oh...umm okay, I’ve got to go.”

He watched as the orange haired boy went off on his bike. He felt beyond guilty. Hinata just wanted to help him. He was such a shitty person. He always fucked up when he was given an opportunity. He knew Hinata wasn’t _that_ bad. Maybe he was loud, but he knew he was a good person.

He couldn’t hold back the tears that had been building up after encountering the tall guy that day. He broke down into sobs, ones which wrecked his whole body. They weren’t the usual silent ones. They were loud. Loud and painful. He tried to walk back home but the trembling of his legs wouldn’t let him. _“Why am I such a bad person? I’m such a fucking coward for wanting to kill myself yet I’m too scared to do it. Why do people like me exist? I can’t even walk properly, let alone socialise. I’m like the black mark on a piece of paper. I’m so insignificant. Yet, I find myself being the person people’s eyes get drawn to. I’m an odd black mark that doesn’t fit in. I’m an odd black mark that doesn’t belong in the light. I’m an odd black mark everyone hates."_

Tobio made it back home, just as the rain started falling heavily. There was going to be a storm again. He entered and slammed the door, remembering his mother had a small work trip. She wouldn’t be coming back for two days. Oh great, he couldn’t be bothered to make himself food, not even instant noodles. He found a bottle of alcohol sitting at the back of a shelf. He grabbed it without hesitation, attempting to drink it all down at once. He hated the unfamiliar taste. The bitterness sent shivers through his body. But he found himself drinking and drinking. Pretty soon he started to feel his surroundings disappear. The lights went blurry, the noise of the busy streets, muffled. The weight on his chest seemed to have gotten lighter. He was escaping reality, even if it was only for a bit. He tried to walk up to the bathroom. His head started to hurt, and his body began to ache. He took another swig, chugging it down even more. Fuck, what was he doing to himself? He crawled into the bath, bumping into walls and furniture as he moved. The water was now freezing. He sat down inside the tub, hoping he wouldn’t be so dizzy. He felt his hands and legs paralysing. He couldn’t move properly. He tripped over, his head hitting the back of the tub. He touched the back of his head instinctively, drawing his hand back to see it covered in blood. No, what had happened? He couldn’t focus on anything anymore. He couldn’t even feel the pain, he was distracted by a loud crashing sound. The now empty alcohol bottle crashed onto the floor, shattering into a million pieces. He looked at them for a second before picking up the sharpest piece. He wanted to say sorry to his mother. His mother actually thought he was recovering. When in reality he hid his pain under his smile. She hadn’t been given any warning of what was about to happen. He wanted to say sorry to the people who cared. He was weak, pathetic. He had ignored everything his grandfather had taught him. _“I’m sorry for being the flaw in your lives. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for letting my surroundings tear my heart up. I’m so sorry for being so weak,”_ he let out another choked sob. Who was he fooling? He was never strong. He couldn’t live like this anymore. He couldn’t afford to create more damage.

_Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out. Become smaller and smaller, cut everything out._

The storm was getting louder and louder. He was the storm that was about to end soon and be forgotten, just like him.

He rolled up his shirt and shut his eyes, swiping the glass across his side. He screamed in pain. It wasn’t working, he wasn’t getting the relief he was searching for. He knew instantly that it was the wrong choice, but it was too late now. What could he do? He pressed the blade in deeper and deeper. The faded cut had come back to life. Blood dripped all over his body and was drenching his clothes. He started to drown in the cold water, which was now a deep shade of red. He hoped this was the end of it all. He never said goodbye to his mother. Hopefully, everyone would have one less burden to carry now that he was gone. The last thing he heard was the sound of a loud knock on the door.

His sorrow and pain had grown into a cluster of thorns in his heart. A cold heart of scars and festering guilt. Slowly bleeding and burning. Thorns - so many of them. Taking control over his mind. The pain won’t ever go away. It’ll keep bleeding and burning till nothing is left. It’ll become smaller and smaller till nothing is left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this chapter - I know it was really unexpected. Poor Kags... I really hope you liked the chapter (you probably hate me for writing it but oh well).  
> Thanks for stopping by and reading it! Comments and kudos are appreciated <3  
> I will update again soon :)


	4. What lies beneath the smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you all can forgive me for what happened to Kageyama in the last chapter. I had a tough time writing this week for some reason so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't that good. It's not exactly a new chapter but it's going through the events in Suga's pov just to let you know in advance. We are almost at 1000 hits so thank you to those of you who have been reading my fic - it means so much to me! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter <3

Sugar’s pov

Waking up to the sound of his alarm, Suga reluctantly got out of bed. His body ached from the odd position he ended up falling asleep in from doing homework. He forced a smile when he looked at his body in the mirror. His scars were mostly unnoticeable now. It wouldn’t be long before he would be able to stop wearing long-sleeved clothes. But there was still one scar that wouldn’t fade - one which was different from the rest. It was from when he tried to burn the side of his leg. He had never gone near a fire after that, even seeing a candle brought shivers down his spine. The pain he experienced that time was terrible. He had always been the good and reliable kid whose life was a clear road. His smile reassured people that his life was perfect. No one would have guessed how he cried himself to sleep every night. The way he starved himself until he could barely stand. Even small words; words that were barely noticeable felt like daggers stabbing his heart. Each day he would feel like he was getting stabbed to death. A wounded heart was what remained.

Some days Suga would have dreams which went back to the day he attempted to burn himself. The flicker of the blowtorch seemed so real. He felt weak for wanting to die for what he thought was no reason. Many other people had it worse than him, yet he was the one who couldn’t stay strong. His life was close to perfect-he had a loving family, he did well in both school and volleyball, he had great friends. But whenever he saw himself in the mirror, he couldn’t help but feel disgusted. He hated everything about himself. He thought the confessions and compliments he received were out of pity. Nobody should have thought he was attractive; it just wasn’t possible. He hated himself even more at the time for being hopelessly in love with one of the most popular boys in the entire year. Suga had liked him for ages but could never confess his feelings for him even though they had become so extremely close. He had known nothing could ruin their friendship now but still, he couldn’t pack up the courage to tell him. And there was no point anyways. The guy was obviously straight and even if he wasn’t, why would he like him back? If only the 1st year him had known he would end up dating the guy in the next couple of years.

Today wasn’t going to be the same as before. Suga was a third-year now. His former teammates would have moved on and new members would join. Daichi was finally going to be the captain. Suga always knew he would achieve it one day. His determination and strength were amazing. He was a leader. He felt like the luckiest person ever to be with someone like Daichi. He still couldn’t believe how he chose him when he could have had just about anyone. Suga had known he was into not just girls but guys as well for a while. He had tried to deny it to himself ,at first, but eventually gave up. Usually, when people would ask him what his type was, he would describe a random person. Maybe a girl a little shorter than him with long brown hair and greenish eyes? It never felt right though. But after he met him, the answer to that question changed. When people would ask him, all he could think of was Daichi. His height was perfect, his hair was perfect, his eyes were perfect, his smile was perfect. Gosh, how was it possible to be so fucking perfect?

This would be Suga’s last year in Karasuno. The last chance he would have to experience Karasuno as the powerhouse volleyball club it once was. He wanted to see it rise to heights it had never reached before. He wanted it to be a threat to the other teams, just like it was before; he couldn’t stand to hear the team being called, “the wingless crows” or “the fallen champions”. They had lost Asahi, their ace. He threw away his passion just like that. Suga knew it wasn’t his fault; Date Tech’s blocks had been extremely intimidating, and he was the one who took the blame for the loss at the end. Nishinoya was absolutely distraught about it. No matter how much the team tried to comfort him about it, he ended up losing his temper. He got into a fight and got banned from volleyball practice for a month. What could Karasuno do when the team had lost their ace player (Asahi) and their backbone (Noya)? He was sure they would be able to pull it off one way or another though. Suga would become the team’s official setter after years of hard work. And he was going to make sure he made this year count.

Suga met up with Daichi and Kiyoko at the front gate, they went to the office to check who had applied for the volleyball club. Four people, only four. But these four people could change Karasuno’s reputation. Suga had high hopes but it was their only option now.

“Guys it’s fine! At least we got applicants. And I’m sure they are all great. Kiyoko, could you pass me the form?” Suga said.

He skimmed through it, his eyes focusing on one name. Tobio Kageyama. He had heard the name before. He was sure he had been in the local articles as well. Wait, wasn’t that the prodigy kid? He couldn’t remember the position he played but he remembered hearing he was a setter. If Kageyama was a setter, what chance did Suga have against him? He was clinging onto the thought of this all being a mistake. He couldn’t bear to be replaced by a first year. He felt beyond guilty for feeling this way. All the points would be Karasuno’s in the end, yet he felt like they had to be made by HIS sets. What if the prodigy kid wasn’t as good as he is described? Would he still have a chance?

Daichi spoke, “We should get going to the gym. The team will be waiting for us.”

Kiyoko walked off, saying she had to get to her first lesson early.

The gym was empty.

“So, we are in our third year now. Time really does fly quickly doesn’t it?” Daichi’s voice always made his heart melt.

“Yes, I know right. And now we are the ones responsible for the team. We don’t have anyone to rely on.”

“It will be fine; I have heard about some of these new first years. They seem promising,” Daichi reassured.

“What about Asahi? When Noya comes back to see he’s not here anymore, I doubt he will come back to play volleyball. The trust and admiration that kid had for him was unbelievable,” Suga sighed.

“All we can do is hope it all goes smoothly. We will think of a way to get Asahi back. I promise.”

He brushed his thumb along Suga’s cheekbone before pulling on his collar slightly until their lips met. It hadn’t been a passionate movie kiss, but he found himself standing there surprised at what had just happened. Whenever Daichi’s lips pressed against his own, it felt like he was safe and - almost invincible. Was it just him who started to lose his cool whenever it happened?

“Koshi, your facial expressions are everything. It’s not like it’s our first time,” he chuckled. Suga felt Daichi squeeze his hand. His laugh meant everything to him.

“Ah well-”

“Wait, be quiet. Someone is coming.”

A boy Suga had never met before entered the gym. He swore he had seen that face before. Maybe not in person but somewhere. Suga found himself filled with curiosity. He knew he was the kind of person many people would end up falling for. He was tall and lean, his fringed black hair was stunning, not to mention those eyes of his and he had this aura about him. His eyes told him a lot. Dark dark blue, just like the depths of the ocean. Ones you could just sink into if you stared for too long. Sharp, maybe mistaken as cold by many but actually soft and sad. That kid had had a difficult past - he could just tell. Suga always found that a person’s eyes were the first thing he noticed when meeting them for the first time. He felt like hiding behind one’s eyes, there was a story.

Suga watched as Daichi went to greet him. He had a hoarse, deep voice. It seemed aggressive yet gentle at the same time. When the name Tobio Kageyama was said, he could feel spirits drop low. He had already known he would be in the team, yet he still hoped it was all just a misprint. He was sure that kid would be a great asset to the team, but he was secretly hoping he wasn’t a setter. He gave Kageyama a smile when he turned to face him, trying to hide what he was thinking.

“Hey Kageyama, I’m Sugawara! It’s nice to meet you,” he noticed the way the boy was biting his lip. Was he... scared?

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he was eager to find out what position he played, praying it wouldn’t be a setter.

“So Kageyama, what position do you play?”

“Setter,” he felt himself wincing at the word. How could he compete against a prodigy? He knew he was a good player. He had the team’s trust and knew how to make each player perform to the best of their abilities, but there was no chance he could win over somebody of his caliber. Especially with that raw talent and the clearly superior technique he possessed. He tried to cover his uneasiness under his warm smile, hoping Kageyama didn’t notice.

“I’m a setter as well.”

“Oh!” The silence was awkward; neither of them knew what to say to each other. He checked the time on his watch. Class would be starting soon. His schedule today was decent, nothing too exhausting or boring. He remembered he had to reach his class earlier than usual. He couldn’t be marked late for class even if it was for a good reason.

“Anyways, your lessons should be starting soon so you better go.”

“Thank you, senpai.”

“Bye!”

Suga watched as the kid grabbed his bag and walked off. Tobio Kageyama , he really was a lot different from anyone he had met before. He didn’t talk much but once he did, it was as if he could get everyone to listen.

He ran over to Daichi who was humming whilst counting the number of volleyballs.

“Hey, I’ve got to get going. Are you sure you can get everything ready on your own?”

“Yeah, I can do it. Besides, I’m almost finished now.”

“So, when will the other first-years come?”

“Probably in the evening practice today or in the next couple of days. They’ve got to get used to this school seeing as they are new to it.”

“I remember when we were first years, you would always find yourself getting lost while trying to find the right classroom,” Daichi laughed whilst he spoke.

“I really was hopeless back then. And you would always have to go out of your way to help me find my way around.” Those memories always brought a smile to his face.

“Yup, but what can I say? I got to miss the first couple minutes of each lesson every day.”

“Maybe I used to pretend to get lost so I would be able to spend more time with you.”

“Wait what-”

He stood on his toes to quickly place a kiss on his cheek before running off laughing, leaving Daichi confused about what he had just said and blushing furiously. He met up with his friend outside the school building. He looked at him with slight unease. But once they made eye contact, he waved at him as if nothing had happened.

“Oi, what are you grinning at Suga?”

“Um, nothing. Wait, we have the same school timetable!”

“Oh yeah, we do! Also, I needed to tell you something.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

“You’re dating a guy aren’t you,” his friend asked, eyeing him warily

Shit, how had he found out? Suga was sure nobody knew. He was sure his friend would hate him now that he knew he wasn’t straight. He didn’t want to hear what was going to be said next.

“His name is Daichi, right? The one who plays volleyball with you.”

“Y-yes.”

“Dude, you don’t need to be so scared. It’s not like I have a problem with it. I just never knew you were gay.”

Suga felt himself sigh in relief.

“Wait really? So, you’re okay with it?”

“Yeah, obviously I have nothing against it.”

“Wait, how did you find out?”

“Ah well, you see, I’ve noticed the way you always talked of him and blushed when someone said his name, but I never said anything about it. Don’t worry, I was always cool with it. And I might have been walking past the gym today when you both-”

“But literally nobody was there!”

“Lucky for you, it was only me who was passing by. Seriously though, you might want to be careful about showing affection in public. You don’t know how someone is gonna respond. I mean, I obviously couldn’t care less as long as you’re happy but there are other people with other views...”

“I know,” he was still worried that someone knew of his relationship with Daichi.

“Suga, stop overthinking! I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you're concerned about.”

It felt much better knowing he had someone to confide in. Even though he didn’t think he would come out to anyone else, for the time being, it was nice to know someone supported it.

“Thank you! I’m not planning on telling anyone any time soon. We should get going to maths now. We don’t have a valid excuse for being late. Especially since we are third years now.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“And don’t act all innocent, I know you're dating someone as well,” Suga smirked.

The horrified expression on his friend’s face made him burst out laughing. “W-what, how did you know?”

“I didn’t but you confirmed it just now. You are so gullible, geez.”

“And Suga - you are so crappy, geez.”

“Well, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading through this chapter! The next chapter will be in Suga's pov as well. Comments and kudos are appreciated <3 I'll post again soon :)


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